Jayne's Hat

I’m really late with this shit but I really don’t give a lol’s dongs.

Transformice is a online browser game where players play as a mouse and try to collect cheese. That’s it. Pretty simple right? WRONG! You play with other human players and as everyone knows, when you give human players power, they tend to abuse it. Video Game Cruelty Potential will play a HUGE part of this game and it will piss you off.

In every level one person will be granted shaman powers. This allows that person to summon planks to cover up holes, make elevators or bridges. They can also summon anvils, beach balls, fast moving directional balls, balloons, trampolines and other stuff that have their own uses in different maps. The shaman must use all/some of these objects to get the normal mice to the cheese and to their holes.

While the normal mice don’t have any powers that the shaman has, they can get over high walls by wall jumping. Wall jumping is a mystical and fickle thing that can either save you or brake you. Most of the times it works perfectly fine, mostly times where you don’t really need to use it, like if your fucking around waiting for the shaman to move his faggot ass. Although sometimes the fucking thing doesn’t work when you need it most! You accidentally slightly fall of a platform but are close enough to the wall to wall jump it? I guarantee you that it will not work 90% of the time. Sometimes it will work once and then you can’t do it again.

Cheese that you collect can be used to buy hats/clothes/headband/monocle and other shit.

Levels in this game range from fun to Nintendo Hard to fucking glitchy as all fuck. One level is this one spinning plank that you can’t stop no matter what and the only way to get the cheese is to get pass it. Getting past this fucking plank is random. Sometimes you get pushed off the level as soon as you go under the plank, sometimes you get shoved off the level when you think you got passed it.

Fun game. Play it faggots.

A good fucking morning from Austria my fellow victims of the vidya game industry, i woke up like a few …well fuck it actually i didnt sleep yet, and since i drank too much coffee i wont be able to do so for a good 24 hours.

What to do in the meantime? I know i know im talking around the cake and we all know what im getting at.  E3 is about to open its gates and all of us are looking forward to some badass BIG announcements.  Before I start talking about predictions, especially my own ( i mean come on deep inside all of you give a fuck about my opinion so ill just throw my 5 cents in), let’s go with the facts. What are people expecting? What do they know?

First of all the “NOT SO INTERESTING” shit real gamers don’t give a damn about and which ill just list up and then ignore. Ironically enough Nintendo’s, Sony’s and Microsoft’s presentation all have  something in common.

About 80% of their presentations will be about something real gamers wouldnt even touch with a 40 ft pole.

Microsoft  with Project Natal

Sony with Move

Nintendo with….wait wat? a fucking heartbeat sensor?  Damn right lol.

Let’s be honest here, none of us , well maybe not me, mostly you fat fucks would not be pleased if 90% of your games would require you to move your asses 24/7  even tho everything you wanted was  just to hang out a little all alone in your mothers basement, grab the controller with one hand, eat some burritos with the other, and chill.

That being said, motion controls have nothing to do with proper gaming, thats what the wii is for, wii fit, wii sports, whatever, nobody needs that on any other console. And thats exactly why im sticking with my gamecube and my ps2, they never change on me!

Ok guys, now im drifting off. We were talking about the forerunners (gamewise) of E3, there have been some surprisingly good trailers so far, some expected and unexpected ones.

Let’s take a look at the first one.

Deus Ex Human Revolution.

Definitely one of the best, if not the best Trailer ive seen in a long damn while. Deus ex, a name that really needs no explanation. Everyone played it, everyone knew it was badass, and after the not soooo good second game of the franchise, Human revolution is being extremely hyped, hopefully it will live up to all the expectations. For now, Click the link and enjoy!

Deus Ex E3 Trailer HD

Crysis 2

Ugh, this is one tough motherfucker, i do not know how to feel about this, nor do i know how to react to it. I mean, the first Crysis beyond doubt, set new standards graphicwise. But it totally sucked as a game. I have never felt so let down, it was a golden bucket full of shit. Looks amazing outwardly, but the content…jesus christ. A showcase of what the cry-engine is capable of, nothing more. A game without any substance. And yet, i finished it, played it for a while, Warhead did not make THAT much wrong. Opinions are really splitting on this game. Im willing to give it a try once they stop milking it as a graphic demo and start adding a plot and some decent gameplay to it. Anyways, for those of you who just l-l-l-l-l-oved part 1, here you go!

Crysis 2 E3 Trailer HD

F.3.A.R (Fear 3)

One of my favorite PC games of the decade…. the original F.e.a.r. An atmospheric milestone, a firework of gore and awesome…..then came F.E.A.R 2, less horror, more action…that’s fine with me , i mean hey, I’m not picky.

BUT THIS, that trailer, is a fucking joke, not only do the main characters look like some junkyass version of john travolta and a walking (!) Dr.Xavier, NO. As a matter of fact, those are last-gen graphics. As i said im not a picky guy. I wouldnt want to play FF 7 with new gen textures, a version of symphony of the night that is’nt a sidescroller. I’m really oldschool and i love my dreamcast more than any of the new consoles. But IF youre making a game nowadays, you have to use whatever technology is either mainstream or at least used on the platforms youre making it for. You cant develope a ps2 game that looks like a fucking floppy airwolf copy. Enough ranting. Here is the Trailer! enjoy!

F.3.A.R E3 Trailer HD

And last but not least

VanQuish

Now this is a game, fast easy action, a power ranger suit, a weapon arsenal à la lost planet, and voilá, you got yourself a great game from the creator of Resident Evil.
El Shinji Mikami him fucking self. I have high expectations, just like i think every game kojima simply touches turns into gold, i praise shinji mikami like my creator, accepted him as one of my lords and saviors and…. ok, let’s just move on shall we? Enjoy the most badass gameplay Trailer of the year!

VanQuish E3 Gameplay Trailer HD

Of course there’ll be a lot more coverage from the actual convention, and I’ll make sure to keep you up to date. Those were the , in my opinion noteworthy trailers.
About my predictions…

Well, Zelda is gonna be announced, i dont think there’ll be a wii HD even tho it wouldve been a smart move, but thats all i can say for sure!

So far! Have a good one Ladies and Gentleman.

Phisayo/ Mario~

It is approximately 10:04 PM right now and after playing ‘The World Ends With You’ for about 2 hours I now find myself bored out of my god damn mind. “Oh no!” I shout. “Nowadays being bored is a symptom of depression and I’ll be damned if I let my already arrogant psychologist gloat about making a completely WRONG and arbitrary decision.”  So the only logical thing to do right now is a review a game from my sad and pitiful childhood.

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night is arguably the most popular installment in the series and if you just realized this now then what fucking rock have you been living under for the past 13 years? You play as white as the driven snow, non sparkly, son of Dracula, Alucard. Who’s awesome cape fluxes gently behind you as you run through narrow corridors and underground passages. Most of the time I lose myself watching the afterimages of his cape flow  endlessly and am then brought back to reality because I was killed by a skeleton throwing his ribcage at me. I suppose what I’m getting at is the fact that everything in this game looks wonderful.  Sure, most 2D games looked good back then, but every part of the castle has it’s own textures and style. One part looks like a giant church, another is an underground labyrinth, catacombs and clock tower. Now, to most hardcore Castlevania fans this is nothing new, but the layout is a lot more professional.

Castlevania SOTN’s control scheme is nice and smooth. I mean seriously. Most of it is basic stuff. ‘X’ button makes you jump and after you obtain the leap stone, you can press the button a second time in the air to do a double jump, and pressing down and ‘X’ you can do a kick. Pressing the ‘?’ allows you to do this neat back dash thing. If you continuously mash the ‘?’ button, then you can make Alucard glide through the entire room/corridor/passageway in a breeze, since dashing is slightly fast than his running animation. In the inventory, you can allow Alucard to hold two different weapons. One for the ‘?’ button and the ‘O’ button.

Speaking of weapons, there really isn’t any shortage. Short swords, long swords, morning stars, rods, iron knuckles. Then there are the armors. Head gear, body armor, capes and accessories. Tons of game breaking items such as the Sword of Crissaegrim, God’s Garb, Ring of Varda. Superb. Even the games glitches are awesome. The Sword Brothers glitch that can get you unlimited money. Fairy glitch that can give you 99 of any item that the Fairy is allowed to use and the heart refresh glitches that can let you travel outside the castle walls.

With every game that is good, comes somethings that are not so good. While Castlevania SOTN doesn’t a lot wrong with it, this wouldn’t be called a proper review if I didn’t list the cons.

The difficulty: This is seriously an incredibly easy game. Leveling up is incredibly easy and can be done with very little grind, monsters and bosses attacks have patterns and can be read and dodged. Sword of Crissaegrim combined with a Ring of Varda and you pretty much won the game. In the whole game, only one boss can be considered ‘impossibly hard’ but with a certain item, all of his attacks can be rendered useless. But then again, this item is impossible to find without the use of a walkthrough of something, so I guess that kind of makes up for it.

Castlevania SOTN is a cult classic and is also one of my top ranking games ever. Buy it. Faggots.

Hi everyone! Great news for all of you Ad Hoc fans out there –adhocParty for the PSP system, which first launched in Japan last year, is coming to North America! AdhocParty is an online service that allows PSP owners with a PS3 system to connect to one another via the PlayStation Network. It will be available as a free download on the PlayStation Store soon.

Good news for those of us who loves the PSP and has a PS3 as well, finally we can play MHFU and Gran Turismo without xlink tomfoolery.

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